obit:

You watch as I sip my coffee on the park bench and the problem isn’t you watching but that I know you’re watching me sip my coffee. So in my head I watch us, you watching me and me watching you watching me, and there is no one there in that body of mine but a self-conscious fool lifting the drink to his lips in such an awkward fashion, so unnaturally, so twisted and forced to seem natural but failing — I’m watching you watch me and you suddenly realize this, you’re being watched, and you turn your head away from the direction of me and we never speak about this ever and leave ourselves as two strangers with this strange shared moment of unnecessarily shameful recognition, too afraid and surrendered to our assumptions about each other’s assumptions about the other to approach, say hello, introduce ourselves, comment on the cold air, share this bench, smile, notice the aliveness of our eyes, and really really watch each other.